Why did you do that?
by libbiliboo
Summary: Part 1 in "The Crazy Escapades Of The Founding Fathers" oneshot series. Jefferson eats something that isn't traditionally supposed to be eaten...


**This is just a crazy oneshot (Jeffmads, of course) based very, VERY loosely off a true story. Please enjoy!!**

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Washington should've known it was a bad idea from the start. Snacks... in the cabinet room... yeah, it was just asking for a disaster to happen.

"Your Excellency, sir!" Hamilton shrieked from down in the cabinet room. Washington sighed deeply, massaging his temples.

"Yes, Hamilton?" he muttered despairingly.

"Jefferson's eating that disgusting pasta stuff again!"

Washington leaned over the balcony in confusion. Hamilton was stood in the middle of the floor, fists clenched at his sides as he glared upwards. Jefferson was sat with Madison, his feet up on the table. He was eating some weird French dish, which everyone else thought was, quite frankly, disgusting. Madison, despite himself, was leaning away a little, his nose crinkling in distaste.

"It's called macaroni cheese, Hamilton," Jefferson said lazily, his mouth full. "You're just not civilised enough to enjoy it!"

Hamilton shot Jefferson a deadly look.

"Mr President, sir, the smell of it is making me nauseous," he announced. Washington put his face in his hands. "Make him get rid of it!"

The two continued to argue for a few more minutes before Washington intervened angrily.

"Okay, QUIET!" he roared, and the two stopped abruptly; you could've heard a pin drop in the cabinet room. "Hamilton, stop insulting Jefferson's hair, clothes and life. Jefferson... just get rid of it. Please?"

Jefferson huffed, grumpily tossing the plate across the table and reaching into his pocket, pulling out something that Washington couldn't quite see before biting into it like an apple. A collective gasp flew around the room.

"J-Jefferson..." Hamilton said, his tone hushed. His face had drained of all colour, and his hand shook as he pointed to the thing Jefferson was eating.

"What's he eating?" Washington asked agitatedly, annoyed that he didn't know what was going on.

"T-t-tomato," Madison whispered, barely audible. Washington felt panic rush through him.

"Somebody get a doctor!" he screamed as he rushed down the stairs, bursting into the cabinet room. Pretty much everybody was on their feet, yelling and hollering. Madison was pacing the room in a rightly-fuelled panic, and Hamilton was trying to snatch the tomato out of Jefferson's hand: Jefferson simply leant back and continued to chew nochalantly, unsure of why everyone was so upset.

"Do you have a death wish or something!?" Hamilton exclaimed, still futilely trying to grab the supposedly deadly fruit. "Everybody knows they're poisonous!"

"Spit it out!" someone else, perhaps John Adams yelled.

"They eat them all the time in France!" Jefferson prostested, swallowing. Someone gave a high-pitched scream and most of the observers were too shocked to say anything as Hamilton finally wrestled it off of the lanky Virginian, immediately throwing it across the room, wiping his hands on his bottle green tailcoat.

"Where is that damned doctor?" Washington said heatedly, glancing towards the door. Madison made his way over to Jefferson, gently resting his hand on the other's forehead.

"Sir, I need your opinion here," he asked as he trembled. "I think he's warm. Is he warm?"

Washington repeated Madison's action and was surprised at how hot Jefferson's forehead was.

"He's more than warm," he replied, regarding his Secretary of State with concern. He coughed slightly and said as clearly as he could, "Jefferson, can you still hear me?"

"Of course I can I hear you," Thomas snapped, annoyed now. "Stop being ridiculous and act your age, not your shoe size."

The doctor arrived suddenly, bursting dramatically through the door and rushing over to the small crowd around Jefferson's desk.

"I'm 'ere, Mr President," the doctor said in a gruff voice; he stank of Sam Adams, his clothes were badly stained and there a 3-day shadow obscuring his jaw. "What seems ter be the problem?"

"Secretary Jefferson accidently ate a tomato," Washington said authoritatively, motioning uselessly.

"What did yeh do tha' for?" the doctor asked incredulously as he turned to a snarling Jefferson.

"It wasn't an accident, they're perfectly safe," Jefferson growled, shrinking back a little as the doctor approached him. "What are you going to do?"

"'E's delirious," the drunkard announced. "Shortie, grab 'im by the shoulders."

Madison glared at the man for calling him short, but seized Jefferson's shoulders, managing to keep him still as he squirmed.

"Mads!" Jefferson squealed. "Let me go!"

"Stand back," the doctor warned as he launched forward and stuck his dirty fingers down Jefferson's throat. Jefferson didn't even get chance to scream before he was bent over double, spewing up everything he had eaten that day. Madison held his bushy hair back, rubbing soothing circles into the other's back and whispering words of comfort into his ear.

"Was that really necessary?" the shorter Virginian demanded pointedly.

"If yeh didn't want 'im to die, yeah," the man replied, gathering up his 'equipment' (a disgusting blade and a bottle of Sam Adams) from the floor. "Give 'im plently of fluids and keep an eye on 'im. Should be fine tomorrow."

And the doctor left, leaving behind a nauseated Treasury Secretary, 2 very angry Virginians and an exasperated President with a big mess to clean up.

"Did you see him, Mads!?" Jefferson complained loudly, his voice a bit hoarse; he still looked a little green. "Just stuck his horrible fingers down my throat!"

"I saw," Madison replied, nodding feverently. "If I'd known he was going to do that, I never would've held you down!"

"Sir, it smells awful!" Hamilton groaned, his voice sounding funny- Washington turned to see him with his fingers clamped over his nose.

"Hamilton, get out if it smells too bad!" he finally managed to bellow. Washington was quite proud of his ability to silence an entire room with just a simple shout. "Jefferson, go home and recover from whatever the hell that was. Madison, go with him and make sure he doesn't eat any more poisonous food. We'll reconvene tomorrow, if Jefferson's feeling up to it. Cabinet dismissed."

Madison nodded, dragging a dazed-looking Jefferson out. Hamilton followed quickly after, still holding his nose. Pretty soon, the entire room was empty, leaving Washington alone with his thoughts and a cleaning job.

 _Meanwhile, outside..._

"What were you thinking?" Madison asked, shaking Thomas a little as they walked towards their shared rooms. "Eating something like that? You could've died!"

"No, I couldn't have," Jefferson replied dismissively, wiping his chin where a little vomit still clung and running his tongue over his fuzzy-feeling teeth. "God, my mouth tastes awful."

"You can have some of that weird frozen cream stuff you like when we get back," Madison said.

"Ice cream."

"Yeah, that."

Jefferson smiled and let his hand slip into Madison's.

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 **So I only wrote this cos I was really bored and it suddenly popped into my head. It is (loosely) true, though. TJeffs did once eat a tomato like an apple and had everyone rushing for a doctor because they were thought to be poisonous back then, which obviously isn't true. Hope you enjoyed, and please remember to drop a review if you want me to do a few more of these with more crazy true facts from the Founding Fathers. Peace out, dudes.**


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